Hikikomori

The weekend went by in a heartbeat and I felt incredibly sad the majority of it. I slept a lot, had a migraine (no change there) and tried to do things to cheer me up, but no amount of Nutella could cure my melancoly. On Saturday, I got up at midday, played some Animal Crossing and had some chocolate pillows cereal for breakfast. At about 3.30pm I decided to go for a nap and woke up about 7.30pm feeling irritated, which is a rarity for me. Sleeping is my favourite, but I just had an overwhelming feeling of meh. I was mostly sad because I didn’t have Baby J to snuggle with, she always knew how to help even if it was just meowing really loudly or sitting on my back and giving me chronic pain. I miss that little kitty… ☹️

I am an avid isolater, I literally spend most weekends indoors and I definitely do not qualify for a social butterfly badge. I struggle to find people that do not annoy me in some way, shape or form, which is probably why my circle is so small. I genuinely enjoy my own time. However, now I’m forced to live in this isolation it’s infuriating knowing I cannot go out even if I wanted to. Now, don’t get me wrong, I work for the NHS and I know first hand how important it is that we stay inside and only go outdoors for essential shopping and an hour’s worth of exercise a day. Buttt, it is still difficult and more challenging than I ever anticipated it would be, so my thoughts are with you extroverts.

The days go by so quickly over the weekend, and perhaps that’s because I’m still working through the week. I’m classed as a Key Worker because I work for the NHS. I provide HR support for our managers and senior nurses within the hospital. It is challenging to work in such an unprecedented time, there is no guidebook on ‘How to deal with a traumatic pandemic in the workplace’. With that being said, and as stressful as it is some days, it is so rewarding to see teams helping teams and so many people coming together to show kindness to all of our wonderful NHS employees in anyway they can – so thank you.

I’ve been writing in a diary since I could put pen to paper and it really is therapy to me; it helps me to process certain events and right now seriously reduces the anxiety. I think it’s so important that we all have something to help us do that, an outlet or something to call our own that we can pour our hearts in to and pick up where we left. If you’re in to gaming Animal Crossing on Nintendo Switch is perfect for this and after playing every single Animal Crossing, I highly recommend.

It’s also important to make note that even though a lot of people currently have been granted furlough, or are out of work, it does not mean you should be doing anything other than whatever the fuck you want to do right now. We work our whole lives so enjoy this break, enjoy this time, it’s always great if you can do something productive but it’s not essential – so don’t pressure yourself. Do what you enjoy, do what you love, and be kind to yourself.

I think it’s worth mentioning that as these times are so uncertain, it obviously continues to impact our mental health. Personally, I’ve struggled a bit recently and my mental health has taken a dip. But all we can do is our best. ☺️

So reach out to your loved ones, utilise all of the resources available that allow us to still see and speak to our families, focus on your own wellbeing and do things that make you as happy as can be. Life’s too short not to order a pizza or eat the whole Nutella jar. So just do it, and don’t feel guilty for it. Take long baths, put ‘self care’ at the top of your agenda and try your best to relax.

I am certain there will be some light at the end of this tunnel and we will come out of this soon, and we’ll be able to relish in the sunshine and feel like free little elf’s again – if all else fails, we can always rely on wine to get us so fucked up we won’t remember anything. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Lots of love, Lily. 💖

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