I don’t know what week we’re on of lockdown and I’m not sure how I’m still getting through the days to be honest. Everything right now feels really shitty, pretty weird and constantly exhausting.
Trying to work at home in an environment that isn’t necessarily fit for purpose is proving to be quite difficult, the novelty wears off pretty quickly and although it’s not absolutely awful, I definitely miss the structure. I do enjoy working from home, to an extent, but I also enjoy my manager being sat next to me and being able to bounce ideas off without having to save up my questions for a virtual team meeting later that day. It’s weird because I wouldn’t usually have questions, it’s rare that I ask for guidance in terms of the advice I give at work, but right now, nobody has ever done this before. There isn’t a guide book so we’re all relying on each other to share what we know and to listen to queries and discuss ideas in a safe environment where we are able to hash out the answer together.
I do appreciate that many people are out of work or furloughed so I am grateful for the position I am in, but my god are these days challenging right now. Usually I work 8.30am-4.30pm, but working from home allows me to log on earlier and stay on later, and I’m definitely guilty of doing this. Although there is no expectation to do so, and this has been made clear, I want to do all I can to help, especially in these unprecedented times. So if that means answering a phone call at 5.30pm because a manager needs advice, I’m going to answer it. The last thing these nurses and doctors need is to be worrying about people issues, and if I can help resolve those I’ll do my best to do so.
Occasionally, I’ll scroll Instagram and see so many people doing wonderful productive things and I’m just like really? Erughhh! Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy you have this time to do these lovely productive things, and I guess I’m slightly jealous that I don’t get to do the same. But ultimately I need to remember I’m still working and many people aren’t, my job is taxing at the best of times, never mind mid pandemic. Although even if I wasn’t working would I be getting up at 8am for a virtual Yoga class? Probably not. I’ll try and go for a run next week… Maybe. Might not though.
These times are tough, and when times get tough you have to be tough too. But what happens when you’re not particularly tough anyway? What happens when you save your tough for work and you’re usually made up of glitter and sparkles and all things cute? What happens when you don’t have the energy for tough.
I’m trying to look after myself as best as I can. I’m trying to feed my mind with kind thoughts and give my eyes pretty things to look at, keep my tummy full of pizza, drink plenty of water, write pretty lists, update the ‘gram, be productive, but I fear the best I’ve got is infact Netflix and Animal Crossing in bed on my days off. If you can relate, and you’ve not washed your hair for 3 days too, cool – you do you boo.
Sending all the love and positivity to you, not that it comes across in this post (apologies for my moany ‘woe is me’ rant) take care of yourselves and remember to reach out if you’re struggling – hate to think of anyone going through anything alone, I’m only a message away!
Lots of love, Lily xo